I want a Divorce

*knock knock*  Is anyone out there?

It's been a while.

I'm not writing this post for anyone except myself.  If you're reading it, it's not because I led you here.  I'm just trying to give myself a swift kick in the ass.

It's time to wake up.  It's time to stop screwing around with my life.  It's time to start behaving as if I want to live.

Because right now, I'm dying.

I'm not in immediate physical peril, but I am dying.  My biggest issue is that I'm accelerating the process with choices that are obviously detrimental to my well-being.  In the last couple of years - the time between writing my last post and this one - I've seen some pretty dramatic (and mostly negative) changes in my corpus mundi.

First and most obvious is the fact that I am bloated and fat around the middle.  I'm squeezing my ass into 38" pants - a far cry from the 34" pants that I was wearing just a couple of years ago.  How much discomfort is required to break the pattern of destructive behaviors that will quite literally kill me much sooner than I am ready?  Reflect back to yesterday and the 36" adjustable waist pants that you were wearing that felt like they were crushing your junk every time you sat down.  Do you need to feel like you're trapping your nuts in a fabric vise every day before you say, "Screw this.  Let's fix it"?

You haven't slept in a proper bed for years.  The couch is being ruined because your loud-ass snoring self is sleeping on it night after night.  The effects of this behavior are obvious - your wife sleeps alone in a separate room because your wall-shaking snoring keeps her awake; your relationship with her WILL suffer ill effects of such separation.  Do you even care?

Your body is constantly racked with pain.  Your knees are being stretched beyond their normal limits.  Your shoulders are constantly in pain due to the way you fold them over each other at night.

Your example to others in the dojo is not a good one.  You are yudansha.  Your body is one area of the self that you should control, and yet you treat your body with contempt.  Is that what you want for students who look to you for what it means to be yudansha?  Is that honor so insignificant that you blow off the responsibility of being a proper example?

Let's not forget that nidan testing is coming, and in your condition the test might very well kill you.

Yours is not healthy behavior.

And what's with all of the shit you are eating?  Your online bank statement reads like a who's who of fast food joints in town.  Whatever happened to eating food... you know - REAL food.  Fruits, vegetables, whole meats - that stuff that is good for you - should be the norm, not the preservative-laden pseudo-food that you've been eating non-stop for the last few years.

Let's list a few other symptoms that are besetting you right now:

• heartburn
• abdominal pain
• ulcers
• headaches
• fatigue
• sore feet
• mood swings
• digestive issues
• crappy skin
• chest pain/pressure
• numbness/burning in your leg (compressed disc)

Man.  Looks like life is great.  You appear to be doing everything right - if you're looking to park yourself in a 6' hole...

Yep.  Time to fix this problem.  And not just for yourself.

C'mon man!  Look at this website you've built here.  Look at the after pics from just a few years ago.  YOU LOOKED EFFING GOOD for a dude in his late 30's/early 40's.  GET THAT SHIT BACK while you're still alive to enjoy it!

Last point, and maybe this will push you down that better road.  4 kids.  You've got 4 kids that are counting on you to see them graduate.  2 girls that want you around to walk them down the aisle.  2 boys that would probably want you to see the kind of man they grew up to be but still need to call when they have a question.  4 kids that want to have a father for years and years to come.  You're dicking around with THEIR futures, pal.  Not just your own.

Now.  When you get home this afternoon, you greet your wife.  You tell her, "Honey.  I love you and the kids very much, and I'm sorry I've been treating my body like shit.  I'm changing things, starting right now."  Then get a bottle of water and drink it.  Grab some good food and eat it.  Then walk that beautiful woman you married down to work and get your ass home, into a change of clothes, and off to the gym.

Sweat.

Breathe.

Struggle a bit.

And live.

And when you get home, take a long hard look in the mirror.  Tell that dying entity looking back at you that you're tired of being in pain.  You're tired of the struggle.  Tell him that you're done with him.  You're moving on.

I want a divorce.  From my lazy, fast-food-eating, unhealthy 'other' side.  And that divorce is final as of today.

44 years old is not too late to change your life.  In fact, it's just the beginning...

Growing or Dying

Years ago someone told me this simple truth:
Nothing in life is ever stagnant.  Everything is either growing or it is dying.  There is no middle ground.

As long as someone chooses to do nothing beneficial to his health, he will be in a state of gradual dying.  Chances are likely that you know people who have chosen just such a life.  The light of life has left them.  Their fondest desire is to make it to the weekend so they can "rest" - the code word for doing absolutely nothing.  Their most exertive activity is walking to and from the car or fridge.

A person in this state of existence surely is dying.  They are essentially committing protracted suicide.  Their inert bodies cease to function properly.  Body systems begin to weaken.  Muscles atrophy until the very act of standing and walking becomes a labor.  The weakened body becomes susceptible to sickness and disease - type-2 diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, cancer, and a host of other maladies - until it just gives up.  Everything stops.

Death.

Contrast all of that dying with the person whose body is constantly in motion (relatively speaking, of course).  The muscles get stronger, the body leaner, and the senses sharper.  This body is growing, changing for the better.  LIVING.

It's all a matter of choice.  Our human condition affords us the uncanny opportunity to choose which path to walk.  We can choose to get up and move or sit down and vegetate.  We choose to live, or we choose to die.

Often a choice is never made; one just engages in death by default because the choice to grow and live was never made.  There is no escaping choice (cue The Matrix Reloaded music).

Sometimes people are fooled into thinking that they no longer have a choice - they're too old or too fat to get moving.  These delusions are the by-product of an earlier forgotten choice (or failure to make a choice) to let death have its way for however long it takes to run its course.

However it works out, the fact remains: people are where they are because they choose to be there.

Occupying the middle ground is impossible, because, well, the middle ground does not exist.  The minute one stops exercising, the minute he stops engaging in regular movement, or the minute he decides to go back to eating junk is the same minute his body begins the regressive path toward death.  There is no "in between" place.  Sure, the body will take time to add the pounds back on, but the dying process truly began with the choice to neglect the body and its needs.

We all face the same choice - growing or dying.  Refusing or failing to choose is the equal to choosing the path toward an early grave.  Choosing to grow through exercise and nutrition is a choice to live.

It doesn't get any clearer than that.

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6 Reasons to Work Out with Your Lover

What better person to bring into your fitness routine than the one that means the most to you?  The benefits to both partners are numerous - better health, fewer doctor's visits, and less money spent on prescriptions among them. 

That's all well and good, but let's look at 6 better reasons to work out with your partner - reasons that will strengthen both your bodies and your relationship.

1 - Stick-to-it-tive-ness.  Studies have shown that up to 94% of couples that engage in a training regimen together are more likely to stick to it long-term.  Considering the frequency with which individuals just stop their training due to a lack of accountability, there's a lot to be said for the accountability that comes from having someone in your own home to answer to when you're sipping on a beer while sitting in the La-Z-Boy.

2 - The Adventure.  Couples open themselves to entirely new worlds to explore when they are on a fitness quest.  Nature hikes, runs on the beach, and taking bicycle rides are just some of the adventurous things you can do when you step out of the gym and have a little getaway time.  Seeking out new places to visit and how to have fun workouts while you're there is a great way to bond as a couple.  And it's fun, too!

3 - Bonding.  Few things compare to watching your partner overcome the tough reps or gut out the last 30 seconds of a high intensity interval.  When you are the one standing over that bench encouraging them to pushpushpush to finish that last rep, something happens to BOTH partners.  The working partner gets the energy that comes from the encouragement, and the spotting partner feels pride for having witnessed the one he or she loves overcome adversity to become a better person.  Great feelings on both ends of that spectrum.

4 - Common Interest.  With busy lives and individual careers pushing partners in opposite directions, it's a blessing to have at least one activity in which both partners can equally participate.  Fitness training gives partners something to do together and something to discuss outside of the gym.  Contrast that with couples that do not share common interests.  They eventually have nothing to talk about, since the "How was your day?" line of conversation only goes so far.

5 - Kid-Free Time.  Parents often find that time without children comes at a premium.  An hour a day at the gym can be a blessing to uninterrupted communication.  More important, the kid-free time gives partners the opportunity to focus their attention solely on each other.  Nothing but good can come from that!

6 - The SEX!  What else could conceivably happen when both partners are bonding, self-improving, and getting in great shape?  Fantastic sex is a natural by-product of all the other benefits of working out with your partner.  When both of you look great, have higher self-esteem, and have boosted testosterone levels, you will find it more difficult to keep your hands off of each other.  Not only will the sex be more frequent, but it will also be more intense and satisfying.

Ready to hit the gym?

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Decisions Become Habits

Over the course of any given day, each of us makes hundreds - possibly thousands - of decisions.  Some of them are completely inconsequential - which pair of black socks to wear or which pen to sign our names with for example.  Others have a far more profound effect on our lives - to move or stay, invest in a company or not.  No matter how monumental or insignificant the decision, we are actively deciding our way through every day of our lives.

The thought occurred to me the other day as I was pondering the nature of why we do what we do.  We say things like, "That's such a nasty habit," when we see someone dipping tobacco or biting their nails.  So how does one get from the point of making a decision to having a habit?

What is a habit except a decision that we no longer think about?

Until about 14 years ago my in-laws smoked cigarettes.  After 30+ years of smoking, the activity had become completely habitual on multiple levels.  They habitually bought cigarettes whenever they went to the store.  They habitually lit their cigarettes, smoked them, crushed them out, and repeated the process time and time again each day.  It was automatic, mindless, and performed flawlessly each and every time.

Until one day, they decided to stop smoking.  Now they had to perform an entirely different set of actions.  They had to consciously decide to NOT buy cigarettes.  They had to consciously decide to stop lighting cigarettes and smoking them.  And over time, their new decision making process became a habit - performed flawlessly and mindlessly every day.  Today, 14 years later, they no longer even think about smoking cigarettes.  They have a new habit.

Fitness and diet operate on the exact same level.  Some of us have a current habit of buying food that is not good for us.  It happens automatically - I know it did for me.  I would literally find myself standing in line at some local dive buying food that I knew was bad for me.  Because I had done it so often, I just repeated a habit that was the product of a decision I had made years earlier.  The only thing that ever changed was the venue.

In order to change my body, I had to change my habits.  I had to consciously decide to eat nutritious food that gave me energy and nutrients.  I had to decide to change my shopping practices and eating preferences until the healthy decisions could be performed unconsciously.

Laziness is a profoundly difficult habit to break.  Sometimes people become automatons - wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, have a snack, go to bed, repeat.  One of the saddest testimonies to laziness came from a couple in my circle of influence that knew exactly what channels they were going to watch on any given day of the week from 6:00 in the evening until bedtime.  The routine never varied unless a show came along and bumped a standing program from their self-designed television lineup.

In order to make any change in our lives, whether it be fitness related or otherwise, we have to consciously make decisions that are in alignment with the goal we want to achieve.  Rather than unconsciously ordering the #3 Combo with extra pickles, we have to consciously decide to order the garden salad with vinaigrette.  Instead of mindlessly deciding to plant ourselves in the recliner for hours on end, we have to make a focused decision to go for a walk.  Eventually, the new patterns will take hold and become habit. 

Living your life consciously is the only way to effectively change your future for the better.  We are all subject to the effects of our decisions and habits.  The body does not discriminate between "good" decisions and "bad" ones.  It makes a habit out of whatever you do.

Make your decisions healthy and happy ones, and your life will surely follow suit.

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Brown Belt Fitness

According to nutristrategy.com, martial arts style fighting can burn up to 931 calories per hour.  It's one of the best forms of cardio training, and it's fun.

Most of the time.

Recently I tested for San-kyu (third brown belt) in Isshinryu Karate.  I have to say that it was the longest and most exhausting hour and 45 minutes of my life.  Video is below.

The first 80 minutes of the examination were spent demonstrating various kicks, blocks, punches, falls, rolls, and forms (called kata).  There are 9 basic kicks, each performed multiple times with each leg, plus 15 upper body basics (punches and block/punch combinations) that are also performed on left and right sides multiple times.

After basics, I was required to perform 6 empty-hand kata and a weapon (bo, or long staff) kata.  Each of those forms is a workout in itself.  Here is a video of me performing 4 of the 6 empty-hand kata.  The first is Kusanku, followed by Naihanchi, Wansu, and Chinto.

Once I was beyond all of the demonstration, I was set up for 4 rounds of sparring.  In an ideal world, these were supposed to be 5 minute rounds.  Some were a little shorter, but the last one was considerably longer - closer to 10 minutes.

Round 1 against Mr. Allen Taylor, Ik-kyu (First brown, or 2 ranks ahead of me).  As you might notice (after the 2-minute delay at the beginning of the video), he sports a considerable size advantage over me.  He also hits hard.  I asked my instructor before the test if I would need mouth protection.  I was assured that there would be no contact to the head.  Please observe where Mr. Taylor hits me first. :)

Round 2 - Mr. Nick Baker, Ni-Dan (2nd-degree Black).  Mr. Baker is wiry and FAST.  Had he wanted to, I'm sure he could have cleaned the dojo floor with me.  By this time, I was feeling almost dead.  I was physically at my limits with this fight and 2 more rounds to go.

At about 30 seconds into the video, you'll see that I started running around the dojo in pain.  Unseen to the casual observer, Mr. Baker had incidentally helped me re-injure a severely damaged left thumb.  Every time I've injured this thumb, it's almost a religious experience.  I've never had such a reaction to pain, but the experience was so intense that I truly felt other-worldly when it happened.  It's been 4 months since the original injury, and it's still painful.  I digress, however...

Round 3 - Mr. Christopher Duke, San-Kyu (3rd Black) and MMA fighter.  In reality, if Mr. Duke had wanted it, I would have been dead in this fight.  He hits hard, as you will see when he puts me on the ground, writhing in agony, about 2/3 of the way through the video.  The punch was a perfect shot to the solar plexus.  I spent 30 seconds on the floor trying not to puke.  I think I tasted my breakfast when I was down there.  It sucked.  Hard.

Round 4 - Sensei Tim Cunningham, Nana-Dan (7th Black).  The best comparison here is a cat playing with a nearly-dead mouse.  I could barely see, couldn't breathe, and was soaked from top to bottom in sweat.  Just holding my hands up was a monumental effort.  He was being nice.... thankfully.

Between loss of water weight and burning who knows how many calories, I lost about 3 pounds during this test, proving that martial arts training, kickboxing, and open sparring do, in fact, burn a BUNCH of calories.

Some might watch those videos and wonder why on earth I would ever willingly subject myself to such treatment.  There are several reasons.

First, I've wanted to be a Sho-dan (Black Belt) since I was 14.  I never gave up on the goal, and I'm within 18 months of achieving it.

Second, martial arts is a physical challenge.  I want to prove to myself and everyone watching that age is NOT a factor.  I was 41 years 4 months old when I took that test.

Third, the test is a mental challenge.  When my body was screaming for me to stop, I had to dig deep into myself to find the will to push forward.  Under different circumstances, quitting means dying, and I'm not willing to accept death as an option.  If I won't quit under the exhaustion of the testing environment, I won't quit when it really matters.

Finally, believe it or not, the whole experience is fun.  Granted I wasn't really having fun at the time of the test, but getting to that point (and getting to the next level) is enjoyable.  The tests are just points of discomfort in the road to Sho-dan.

Keeping fitness fun and engaging is an important part of success.  Find something challenging and fun, and you should have no trouble sticking to the it as part of your fitness regimen.

**Thanks to Kaitlyn, my student at the Early College High School, for shooting the video and posting it on her youtube profile.

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