I Am An Addict

Addictions suck.  If you don’t think so, just try getting addicted to something and then try to give it up.  You know – just put it down, walk away, and never go back.

Easy peesy.  Right?

I am an addict, and soda is my drug.  Despite knowing that drinking soda is akin to consuming liquid toxic waste, I still can’t break my dependency on the stuff. 

I had a moment of epiphany the other day.  It was in a period of desperate tiredness and strong thirst that I grabbed an ice-cold bottle of my fizzy friend and popped the top.  I took a swallow and came about this |  | close to being orgasmic.  I felt all quivery and heart-fluttery.  It's possible my loins even tingled a little. 

TMI.  Sorry.

I think I downed half the bottle in the first few swallows and then came to the sudden realization that I was enjoying this experience perhaps a little too much.

I’m not proud of this addiction.  I’m a bit ashamed, actually, that I can come on here and speak about the horrors and inherent dangers of the chemical hodgepodge that makes up soda while I secretly cower in the corner of a dark room getting my bloat on.

Yeah, I’m a hypocrite.  But I’m an honest hypocrite, and that has to account for something.

A few weeks ago, I tried to quit cold turkey.  I was drinking a gallon of water a day and trying to act like I enjoyed it.  But caffeine is a bitch, and she likes to lay the smack down when she doesn’t have her way.  I made it 2 weeks before I popped the top again and fell off the wagon.  The grip on my brain was loosened and the headaches went away.  The fatigue was replaced by sugar highs and caffeine rushes.  I didn’t necessarily feel ‘better’; I just felt a little closer to ‘normal’.

So I’m back to square 1. 

Again. 

Dammit.

There’s a solution to this problem.  I know there is.  It can’t involve will-power or chemical means because I don’t have the former and don’t want the latter. 

Until a complete solution is found, I shall try to keep consumption in moderation.

And I’ll hope that people can forgive me for being a hypocritical junkie.

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