Sex and the 30- and 40-Something Crowd

My one true fear is losing the ability to be sexually active.  Sex is an important part of my overall well-being, and I'm not shy about it.  Thankfully, my testosterone levels are at their highest and my libido is quite healthy.  Unfortunately that won't always be the case, so I need to take steps to keep my sex drive as healthy as it can be for as long as possible.

According to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, 67-76% of married men in the 30+ demographic have sex only a few times a month.  20-25% have sex only a few times a year.  These men are about half as sexually active as their late-teen and 20-something counterparts.  Blame falling testosterone levels (among other contributing factors) for reduced sex drive and infrequency of sexual activity.

So, let's talk about increasing your testosterone levels and (hopefully) the frequency of sexual activity.  Now, I'm not here to tell you how to pick up women; you're on your own there.  You might have noticed that I'm a happily married man, so my pick-up skills are marginal at best.  I am, however, going to give you some suggestions that will help you boost your natural testosterone production and hopefully keep you sexually active later in life.

1 - Get Rid of the Beer Belly

Excess body fat reduces natural testosterone production and actually raises estrogen production.  Estrogen is a wonderful hormone if you're a woman or you want to grow moobs (man-boobs).  After all, we ALL know that women are attracted to a nice trio of floppy appendages in the form of moobs and a beer gut.

Or not. :-p

What demographic is more likely to be carrying around a hefty belly and moobs?  You guessed it!  The 30-something crowd and beyond.  Coincidence?  I think not.

2 - Lose Weight Gradually

Cutting calories too sharply triggers a physiological response that stops testosterone production.  After all, what's the need to reproduce during a famine?  Dropping fat at a rate of about 1 to 1.5 pounds per week will prevent the starvation response and keep your testosterone production humming nicely along.  Eating frequently also helps.  A meal consumed every few hours will keep the body in testosterone production mode.

3 - Eat Nuts

Get your mind out of the gutter.  I mean tree nuts and peanuts.  There is research that suggests consumption of monounsaturated fats, which are abundant in such sources as hazelnuts, macadamias, peanuts, pecans, almonds, pistachios and cashews, increases the natural production of testosterone.  Butters and spreads made from those sources (almond butter, peanut butter, etc.) have a similar effect.

I knew there was a reason I like to buy the large bags of peanuts at the state fair.

4 - Exercise.  HARD!

Lift light and your "equipment" will be weak.  If you do 3 sets of 5 reps at 85% of your maximum, you'll trigger natural testosterone production.  The type of exercise you do also makes a difference.  Compound exercises - those that require multiple-joint movements (squats, pullups, bench presses, etc) - do more to increase testosterone production than simple exercises like bicep curls and leg extensions.

5 - Get Some Sleep

There's a reason a lot of healthy young studs wake up with "morning wood".  A good night's sleep increases testosterone production.  If you can use that morning erection for its intended purpose ("Oh, honey!"), you'll do your daily testosterone production a favor.  If you stop waking up with that morning erection, you might want to take some of those other tips to heart.

And Finally...

Don't discount the value of masturbating.  Post-sex testosterone production happens even if that sexual activity happens all by yourself.  Don't be ashamed.  Everyone does it.

Increasing your testosterone levels is the key to a healthy libido.  This is true for both men and women, by the way.  Encouraging your partner to train with you (and eat your nuts [how's that for a double entendre?!]) will benefit BOTH of you in terms of sexual satisfaction.

Have fun!

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Follow Up

Back in September, I mentioned that the local paper was doing a story on Wo40.com.  Silly me, I never linked the article on my own website.  Check it out:

Fitness Effort Leads to Website

Purpose: ‘Live your life in abundant health’

W. TERRY SMITH
Editor The Daily Southerner Tue Sep 21, 2010, 10:53 AM EDT

TARBORO — Keith Webb took a look in the mirror on his 39th birthday (“the first day of my last year in my 30s,” he said) and did not like what he saw.

“Oh, man,” he recalled. “I had jowls and a Buddha belly.”

Webb was determined to do something about that. It eventually led to a website (http://weightingon40.com) that includes before and impressive after photos.

“It’s easy to start and then abandon (working out),” he explained. “I wanted to be more accountable. It began as a blog and kind of took off and grew.”

His wife Alice, often his workout partner, jumped in and writes in the 4Women section where she answers questions women might have. A photo of her in a two-piece bathing suit speaks for itself.

What they have created is a website that is informative and inspirational. It includes exercises and recipes with nutritional information. It stresses goal-setting.

“The purpose of this website is to help you live your life in abundant health,” are Webb’s first words on the site.

“Anybody can lose weight. Stop eating,” Webb said. “To be fit, you have to do more.”

Webb spends three nights a week, two hours each at karate practice. He works out 45 minutes to an hour the other nights and walks or runs two to three miles when he can find the time.

He’s a member of the Tarboro Athletic Club.

The couple reports his workouts have made the relationship better with his wife and four children: [Daniel], 14, Hannah, 11, Silas, 9, and Emma, 7.

“When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s kind of hard to feel good about others,” he said. “I wasn’t happy.”

Webb lifts weights, does cardio work and walks a brisk two to three miles.

Webb’s scales showed he weighted 206 pounds when he began working out. He’s a solid 185-188 pounds today on a muscular 5-foot-10 frame.

“I struggled with extra pounds after each child was born,” Alice said, “but I didn’t use it as an excuse to let myself go.

“I like feeling comfortable in my body.”

She is home-schooling the children.

Each stresses it is important to be supportive and encouraging of the other.

“We want to give a strong example to the children,” she said, “so when they grow up, they won’t have to struggle with their weight.”

Alice said she has received many nice comments from her female friends about her husband’s new look.

Keith and Alice met while attending East Carolina University in 1991. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English literature. They came to Tarboro 15 years ago to teach school. He teaches English at Edgecombe Early College High School.

“This is about losing weight,” he said. “It’s taking total control of yourself and being healthy.”

They reply to “every single” e-mail they receive and have about 700 followers on their Facebook account.

Embrace the Opportunity

I got word the other day that my brother-in-law, my younger sister's husband, was rushed to the hospital with what he thought was a heart attack.  When my older sister called, she told me that he was watching football and felt pressure in his chest and numbness in his left arm.  They called emergency services, and he was whisked away to the hospital.

He's 39 years of age.

I'm not writing this to slam my brother in law.  Sure I'd like to see him give up the cigarettes, alcohol, and junk food, but I'm not putting him down.  After all, I'm not always the model of healthy living myself.

I'm writing this because it's important to remember - you don't always know.

You don't know when the last cigarette you smoked will be the last one you ever smoke.  You don't know when the last drink you had will indeed be your last drink ever.  You don't know if the last meal you ate will be the last meal of your life.

You just don't know.

You are in the perfect position now to do what needs to be done to take control of your life.  Nothing has to change.  Nothing has to happen beforehand.  You don't have to wait until Monday.  The time is now.

You must embrace the opportunity to become healthy before it's too late.  While I hope it never happens to anyone reading this message, someone is going to have a stroke today.  Someone is going to have a heart attack today.  Someone is going to go into a diabetic coma and never recover.

Don't let it be you.

Don't wait until something dire happens before you take control.  Why must it be a heart attack or a stroke, or the loss of a loved one to some weight-related condition that jerks you awake and compels you to act?  Embrace the opportunity to be healthy.  Embrace the opportunity to show self love and respect.

Embrace the opportunity.  Then act on it.

You can do it.

Go!

Going Mental

What happens in your mind usually goes off without any help from you.  It's not until we've been made aware of something that we begin to take control of the things that happen in our minds.

Let's look at a couple of detrimental thought processes that will absolutely kill your progress in dropping fat.

Thought Process #1 - Clean Your Plate

Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday.  Mom used to tell me, "There are starving children in Africa, and you're going to leave all of that perfectly good food on your plate.  Clean your plate!"  Effectively shamed into submission and despite feeling full, I begrudgingly ate the remainder of my mashed potatoes and corn so, presumably, the poor starving kids in Africa would live another day.

Further, my father was a pretty tight-fisted kind of guy when it came to money.  Throwing food away, he claimed, was akin to tossing dollar bills in the garbage.  He brought that military mindset into the house - "Take all you want, but eat all you take."  So rather than scrape the last bits of uneaten food from our plates into the garbage, we found ourselves eating in excess when our eyes were bigger than our bellies.

Having this message imparted to us day after day, is it any wonder that my entire family (3 children and both parents) have at one time or another struggled with being overweight?

"Clean your plate" is a TERRIBLE message.  Basically it's saying, "Ignore your body's cues and eat beyond necessity." The feelings of guilt that were thrust upon us as children are unfounded - after all, will throwing away 2 ounces of baked potato and the last bit of chicken REALLY cost an African child his life?  Eating every morsel of food from your plate isn't honorable or moral.  It's counter-productive to your weight and fitness goals.

If you haven't quite figured out portion control, then just paying attention to your body can save you a LOT of unnecessary calories.  It works like this: If you can feel your belly bulging - even slightly - then you're done eating.  It doesn't matter if there's still half a chicken breast and a few green beans on the plate.  Feeling full means you ate too much, so stop before you reach that point.

You don't have to clean your plate.  Eat until you are satiated, and not a crumb more.

Thought Process #2 - Get Your Money's Worth

I do enjoy the opportunity to go to the local buffet restaurants.  I don't do buffet very often, but when I do, a measure of self control is in order.

We have a little tradition in our family.  When one of us has a birthday, the celebrant gets to pick a restaurant for lunch or dinner.  As fate would have it, both my younger son and younger daughter chose buffet restuarants for their birthday meals. 

First, my son chose Chinese.  At $7.99 per adult, it's often tempting to say, "I'm gonna make sure they LOSE money on me."  That is a very, very dangerous mentality to have.  My daughter chose Golden Corral.  $8.99 per adult for dinner.  That represents an even bigger challenge.  It's as if the pricing is challenging our ego by saying, "Ha!  You'll NEVER eat $9 worth of food," to which the more determined mind says, "Oh, yeah?  Just watch me."

And the self-abuse begins.

Businesses like this are going to make money off of you.  Unless you stay for hours and eat every piece of shrimp in the building, it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to out-eat the bulk-rate pricing restaurants get for their food.  The only rewards you'll receive if you do manage to out-eat the menu price are a stomachache and more girth.

There's no prize for beating the cost of your food at a buffet restaurant.  Years ago, I used to think it was funny when I said, "They're not going to make money off of me!"  Now I realize what I was really saying: "This restaurant is out of my price league, so I'm going to eat until I'm sick to make sure I get every penny's worth."

If you find yourself having this thought upon entering a buffet restaurant - the thought that you're going to out-eat the menu price - then do yourself a favor.  Save the money and eat a meal at home (all the while remembering to avoid Thought Process #1).

Hopefully being aware of these mental processes will help you take control of your eating behaviors.  Be well!

Breaking out of the Summer Doldrums

Summers here in Eastern North Carolina have a tendency to do one of two things.  They either direct people toward the Outer Banks and the beach or they force people to just stay inside.  As if the often-oppressive heat weren't enough, we get humidity that makes the air so thick being in it feels like putting on a heavy winter coat.  Exercising outside is unheard of.

Unless you've bought a good at-home training program (P90X and Insanity, for example), it's quite easy to forego your exercise routine.  Then starts a downward spiral - once we're no longer exercising, we stop eating well.  The rest of the story is a journey into weight gain.

I'm personally looking forward to fall.  Even though I love the at-home programs, there's nothing quite like getting out of the house and into the crisp fall air that just invigorates the body.  It's my favorite time to go for a run down by the river or along the tree-lined streets.  I especially love the trails down at the park around the lake. There is a running trail with a pull-up bar and beam for doing incline push-ups and dips between laps.

I've personally found myself slacking a bit since going back to school and having most of my free time dominated by work, karate, and kids' activities.  Thankfully I can still get a good workout in karate, but I need to do more still.  Since the kids have just started soccer, once the temperatures go down just a bit more, I'll be donning my running gear and using those trails I mentioned earlier.

If your summer has found you taking it easy, make plans now to get back into a regular routine of training and nutrition.  Sit down and make a plan that you can work with and will lead you back into a body that will declare your fitness to the world when next summer rolls in.  If you're fairly new to fitness training, you can read my article on Getting Started with Physique Transformation to get yourself on the right road.

It's been a great summer.  Embrace the autumn reprieve from the heat and get outside for a daily walk.  Once the winter rolls around we'll probably huddle up inside again, so now is the perfect time to get yourself into a new routine.  We're behind you all the way.  Go for it!

Be well!